Zi

Goodbye

2009-11-29T06:55:00.001-08:00

Yes. Like the title says, goodbye. To what? This blog. It's no use having a blog which you don't update. Stalkers, read, bitch, die. Whatever.

To Blogger, and whatever blogs available,
To blogging days,

Goodbye,
Z.

Psst

2009-11-26T23:55:00.000-08:00

It's updated! My blog is updated! Where? At my new blog! "You have a new blog?" 'Yes I do! Ask me ask me!!'

Heeeees. ^^

End it quick

2009-11-21T06:01:00.000-08:00

I'm not gonna like next week. The more I think the more I want it to end.

Monday - End late. Rehearsal till night for Wednesday.

Tuesday - Maybe there's a test. I don't know. Home to study for RAD.

Wednesday - RAD test. Performance.

Thursday - Elective presentation. OSM presentation. NT test. IS test. SoundCard. Holy Shit.

Friday - Freedom.

Damn right? I know. I have no confidence whatsoever for IS. I don't know a single shit about that. The rest I'm quite confident. Maybe not so confident for RAD, but still okay. I really wanna do well. Sigh, please let week 6 fly so, so fast.

Went Ngee Ann City Plaza with mum, sis and bro. There was this carnival thingy, for the disabled or something like that. There were quite a number of deaf people over there. I swear I'm thankful for whatever that has happened and whatever that I have now. Anyway, the emcee announced Singapore Idol top 4 was gonna be there later. I didn't expect that at all. My sis immediately screamed "Sezairi!!!!!" I just went -.- .

They came. Charles beatbox. Then the 4 of them answered questions. Then there was the photograph session. Sezairi's mum, smiled at my mum and asked, " Tak amik gambar?" My mum just smiled. We didn't know who she was actually. Then another pakcik approached us and asked if it's Sezairi we're supporting. I found his songkok very, very familiar. All of us nodded together with a smile. Then we all realised it's Sezairi's father. He gave us this laminated picture of Sezairi and told us to queue up to take a picture with the top 4. My mum said we don't have a camera, just a handphone. He said it's okay. He'll take a picture with his camera and will email it to us. But the queue was long and the person in charge said no more taking of pictures. Then he thought for a moment. Finally he said, "Okay la. I take a picture of you all with his picture can ready la. Then I email to you." Cause he really wanted us to take a picture with Sezairi. He was really, really nice. Like father like son eh? Haha. My mum said it's okay. He smiled, got a call and went off.

Then the top 4 had to go. My mum went "Sezairi we support you!" with a wave. Sezairi turned, smiled and waved back at her.

Me - Suke? Har? Suke?!?!?!
Mum - Shut up you. :D
Me - Takpe la. Tak dapat bobal ngn Sezairi pun takpe. Dapat bobal ngn bapak die pun jadi.

Let's make it a hat trick for us Kampung people shall we? InsyaAllah. (:

Scared

2009-11-20T07:35:00.000-08:00

MCG production was the bomb. Now I feel like doing everything. Just when I was about to enjoy, projects and tests all come at once. An extremely busy week awaits. That's for sure.

Limits. Watch it. I may look fine. But think again.

That something special

2009-11-19T07:36:00.000-08:00

I swear I have a lot to say. And I mean a lot. But it's okay. I'll keep it inside. Some things are better left unsaid.

Those eyes

2009-11-15T05:44:00.000-08:00

Freaking tired. The best thing about working at malay weddings? Beautiful malay girls everywhere. Yes it may be tiring but those girls just make my day. Not like they did anything. But yeah.

Today my mum pakat2 with those 2 boys. Suddenly the karaoke lady called out my name. And I had to sing Puspa. Couldn't hear myself at the first few seconds of the song. Started off terribly. But whatever. Wasn't expecting that anyway. Had fun. Tired.

Rehearsals, tests. I wanna sing. And sing. And sing.

If only you knew

2009-11-14T08:07:00.000-08:00

Okay okay I'll update. I want to sing forever. Updated!

Sorry Naz. Sumpah takde bende nak update. And this blog is going soon. Oh, ni next part kau mesti tau.

Oh, shoutout to you! "Azizi was here." ;)

Every second counts

2009-11-06T08:55:00.000-08:00

I don't understand. Do you hate me? If so, why? What did I do? I didn't do anything to you. I had a problem with one, not you. I had some history shit going on with one, not you. Why are you acting like you're the one I'm having problems with? So much so for not wanting me to be there? What's your problem? Did she tell you anything? We could talk you know. I just don't get it.

You're the reason why I so don't look forward to __________. Yes we can talk. But I hate pretending you see. I'm like this la if you still don't know. I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not. But trust me, one day you're going down. And I'll just give you a standing ovation with one damn huge smile.

All the best to those 3 finalists of Youth Got Talent. Joshua, Fadzly and Shikin. Make us proud. I know you will.

pukimaknye joshua. handsome sial. aku tengok pun cair. tak, tak gay.

You leave me breathless

2009-11-04T05:28:00.001-08:00

There's honestly nothing to update. It's just school and more school. I'm enjoying every minute of it. You guys read the same shit here everyday. Do I care? No. Here we go again.

School is fun. I realised the lecture theatre got a lot a lot of malays. like really a lot. I like. Lectures are always boring. Labs are fun. Tutorials suck. Whatever. Enough about school.

Let's move on to CCA. What's my CCA? SoundCard. What the fuck is that? You may ask. It's a singing CCA. We sing pop music. English only. In groups, solo or duet. Acapella, acoustic, whatever. Yes. People who know me, should know I love singing. Which is why I joined SoundCard. Duh. Practices. Are they fun? To some extent yes. That's not the point. We all sing every week. No big deal. Question is, the people. Are they fun? That's really for me to know and for you to find out.

If there's any shit in this world that you're not happy with, about me, don't fucking hide it. Tell me. Shoot it straight right at me. Don't fucking pretend. Talk to me. Don't be a pussy. I'm not a monster. I don't bite. I'm human. Not a cannibal. I'm fucking sick of all this shit seriously. We can talk, really.

To the stalkers out there who read but don't tag, or read and make a big fuck out of it, this is for you, "Up Yours". (:

If you're out there to make my life miserable, to find fault with me, to get whatever you want from me, just, stop it okay? Not worth your time ah, really.

if only

School is love

2009-11-03T03:19:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it's best if you just keep quiet. Some things are better left unsaid.
Sometimes it's better to just keep your thoughts to yourself.

Once again,

Oh eyecandy.

That smile

2009-11-02T08:20:00.000-08:00

It's been school and school and more school. I just can't believe I'm actually focusing on school.

I pack my bag every night, when I used to pack on the morning itself, and end up getting late for class.
I set alarm on my handphone every night, and I'm always early for class. Well, sometimes 15 minutes late at most? I never set my alarm last time, and ALWAYS late for class.
I started my projects and assignments and tutorials and revision as early as week 2. I never did any of that during the last few semesters.
And the list goes on. I'm just happy I'm like this you know? Maybe it's because of the fact that Louis and Li ping are in my class. Maybe?

And living with grandparents wasn't that bad afterall. Nenek's cooking is great. Her curry daging is surprisingly nice. But I still prefer my mum's curry daging. Haha. And everything else is just fine. Just that.. ya.

Oh eyecandy.

Mata gula-gula

2009-10-28T08:18:00.000-07:00

Sick, fever, cough, nose running, everything else.

I'm so, so, tired, and so, so, sick.

Tomorrow's not gonna be a good day.

Adorable

2009-10-27T05:56:00.000-07:00

Today was the best day so far since this semester started. I actually spent the whole day, from 8am to 4pm, studying. Like, paid attention throughout. Cool or what? It was just great. And it'll get better I hope.

All I'm thinking of right now, is projects, and jogging with my new personal trainer, Taufiq. Chey macam paham. Gonna get rid of that chubby chubbyness and that cheeseburger ass. Siaknye Anisa.

You'll never walk alone

2009-10-26T06:40:00.000-07:00

Yes Liverpool won. Yes Torres scored a beautiful goal. Yes Liverpool finally won after so many games. So what? We all give you chance. Later second half of the season you all see we win the title again. You want to win EPL? Sack Benitez first okay? Then can win. With him in charge, cannot win one. Trust me. mampos aku kene maki nanti.

Oh, that time someone said I look like a smoker. Walao. First time leh.

I found myself a personal trainer. Hahaha!

Okay. Boo!

Going down

2009-10-25T09:30:00.000-07:00

Nothing's going right at the moment.

It gets tougher

2009-10-24T10:07:00.000-07:00

Demoralised.
Trying to stay positive.
Whatever.
Boomz.

5 + 2 = 7

2009-10-23T05:59:00.000-07:00

Life so far has been good I must admit. With Anisa, Nadia, Hafis and Muhaimin in my class, oh, plus Louis, this semester's gonna be fun. I know it will. I've seen all the modules. I've seen all the lecturers and tutors. They seem very nice. And I strongly feel that I can score reasonably well for all the modules. As compared to last semester, I feel that I can understand more and learn the modules better now. Maybe because now that I have my specs with me. But that's beside the point. I honestly wanna do well this semester. With the help of my classmates, especially the smart ones like Louis and Liping, I know I can do it.

Youth Got Talent semi finals on Sunday. I planned to practise my song in the other room after school today. Was excited about it actually. For once, I didn't care if my parents were at home. I was gonna sing out loud and not mind their presence. Reached home and I noticed an extra pair of slippers outside. That excitement just..died. I knew what was in store. Mum told me Grandfather had arrived. I stared at her, hard. She talked to me. I understood. I honestly do.

I don't mind them staying with us, really. I'm trying my very best to stay positive about it. No more singing out loud or beatboxing freestyle at 3am in the morning. No more 'fighting' with my siblings. No more this, no more that. We have to be at our very best when they're around. Yes I understand all that. We have to respect them. I do.

But not to the extent where my parents get so stressed about it, and scold us for no reason. For example, Sister just got scolded for using the computer. It would be better if she were to study, so said Dad. The thing is, she just finished her PSLE. What's there to study about? Mum will talk to Dad about it. And it goes on and on and on.

What if I'm doing my projects one day at home, and Mum or Dad suddenly rant everything at me? I'd get affected won't I? The whole family will right? Then the atmosphere will turn dull. I won't have the mood to study, or even do anything. I'd just rant to anyone online, or here.

I really, really hope things will be fine. I've decided to reach home late everyday. Unless things get better.

Oh one more thing. I still think girls who smoke is a big, big turn off.

you're next.

Positive

2009-10-19T09:19:00.000-07:00

School starts! 5 freaking malay students in my class! The wait was worth it ah kirekan? 3 semesters being the only malay in the class. Now I have 4! Lessons so far have been good. I think I love my timetable. Everyone's been calling me fat and chubby and whatever. Never mind. i prove to you all one day. I exercise so bad later you see my body nice nice you all don't know who me ah. Ahem.

My throat's getting worse. It's okay. I don't see myself picking up the call from Youth Got Talent to inform me I've been through to the next round anyway.

And to those people, stay positive okay? It won't be so bad. Things will get better. Trust me. Not like you all will read my blog la but I'm just saying.

8am class tomorrow. Sweet.

Hello semester 2

2009-10-18T09:30:00.000-07:00

School starts! Excited? Yes.

Ssscoool

2009-10-15T08:42:00.000-07:00

I forgot what I wanted to blog about. So, Boo!

Lose them

2009-10-14T09:31:00.000-07:00

Raya was fun. I think they got pissed with me. =x

Semester 2's gonna be fun. I hope. 4 malays. Whoo!

Not gonna blog in detail. Tired.

Facebook is pissingmeofffff!

Don't even think about it

2009-10-13T05:56:00.000-07:00

Oh boy oh boy. VoiceOut was a waste of time. Everyone sang like, erm, how should I put this. Everyone wasn't that good la. We expected more. Darn. Someone promised us a good show. Someone said some of them are good. Turned out? None was good! PISSINGMEOFFFFFF!

I smell jealousy.

Set it high

2009-10-12T06:13:00.000-07:00

The fingers can never be at the right place. Haha. Does that sound right? No? Good.

VoiceOut, Jalan Raya, 2 auditions. Then comes school. I'm kinda looking forward to school. I don't know why. Maybe cause I really wanna do well this semester? Okay when i said "do well", I meant get a GPA of at least 3. Haha. I'm just very positive. I can even smell it. I hope.

Fling.

Too hot to handle

2009-10-10T11:17:00.000-07:00

Today was extremely fun. Thanks a lot guys.

Live it the way you want

2009-10-08T06:15:00.000-07:00

Finally back from chalet. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It's been some time since I last blogged in detail. I'll try.

First Day

Packed. Was supposed to meet them at Macs. But I didn't wanna miss Gossip Girl. So I watched a few episodes before leaving. Called Clara and met her at the interchange. Reached and, ate? I don't know. I forgot what we did. Then stayed up till morning. Talked about sex, gays, shemales, sybians, the choice of having sex with a corpse or an object, and a whole lot more. Yes I started those topics.

Second Day

I think 2nd day was kinda boring. Bbq, then midnight movie, Phobia 2. Yeap. I think so la. Damn my memory is, bad? Oh then they sang Happy Birthday to Hanisah.

Third Day

Happy Birthday Iqah! Woke up, changed and straight home. Did some last minute coaching, if you would like to call it, on my sister. She had her Math papers on Thursday, so yeah. When I was done, I wished her good luck. She said thanks and ended up kissing my hand. I swear I could cry. I mean, I don't know. I'm trying to change la. I haven't been treating her well, so yeah. That moment was, nice. Bbq, then everyone witnessed the historic moment where Farhan Shah got eliminated. I was relieved that Sezairi didn't get eliminated but at the same time, shocked Farhan got kicked out. Oh ya, Rene came for a few hours. Cute la she. Then we did a short video of our own Phobia 2.

Fourth Day

Packed. The people in charge came and checked the whole chalet. Asked us if anything happened. We said no. They didn't really believe. Cause the room that we prayed in, got something there la. We freaked out. But yeah, thanks to us praying inside eh. Chey. Thought of watching Darah. But everyone was tired, so all headed home. Home sweet home. Slept. Woke up and I was so ready for breakfast. Turned out it was only 8.45pm.

So there you go. The whole 4 days have been a good one. I don't mind doing this again. Nasib baik Nazirul ade. Kalau tak mampos aku sorang.

Oh, pictures will be on Facebook. I haven't got them yet.

And oh, change of classes again. But it's okay. Got malay students now. :D

That's it for today. Now if you'll excuse me, I would like to carry on with my Gossip Girl. (:

2009-10-05T00:29:00.000-07:00

Away for 4 days.

Question is will I enjoy myself?

It's on

2009-10-03T12:51:00.002-07:00

I'm really, really hoping it'll be good.

It's time to play.

Guess who's back.

;)

20 years

2009-10-02T07:14:00.000-07:00

Went out as a family again! Went Tampines. Ate at Arnolds. Had fun.

Random

Mum: Aiman, mak penat ah. Tolong cucikan tangan mak boleh?
Aiman: Macam mane nak amik?

A group of malay girls walking and looking so beautiful with their traditional clothes on.

Me:*Stares*
Mum: *Pinches ear* Oi ape tengok2 pompan ah? Toleh2 tak habis2.

A hot lady, around late 20s to early 30s, asked me for block 307. I gave her the directions and she said thanks.

Mum: Ape die nak?
Me: Takde, Zi mintak nombor die.
Mum: Haha. Pale otak kau. Ape die nak?
Me: Die carik block la. Alamak.
Mum: Cakap la "Oh straight ahead, that's MY house. Wanna come in?"
Me: =,=
Mum: *Slaps*

A new life, really.

A whole new world

2009-10-01T11:49:00.000-07:00

Yeah, how does it feel living with your grandparents? I'll find out soon. I'm trying my best to stay positive, I swear.

I hope chalet's gonna be good.

Scaring the shit out of me.

Short post, duh, as usual.

2009-10-01T06:07:00.000-07:00

What a day. Went out with my classmates for a while. Ate at Serangoon Gardens. First, we saw Mr and Mrs Kuan. Then, Miss Ng U Lynn. Then when I reached my block, I saw this teacher, I forgot his name, but he was an NCC teacher, he teaches DnT. I saw him with Miss Leh Peishan isit? Whatever ah. But yeah, wow. Saw Cvss teachers. Cool or what. Miss Ng really made my day. Ok not day, night. Jon was like, "Zi, Miss Ng." I was like, "Fuck you la Miss Ng. Sure not?" I turned around and went "MISS NG!!!!" She was shocked to see us. But yeah. Bloody Guo Xiang tried to flirt with her. Haha.

Hmmm.

2009-09-30T13:00:00.000-07:00

People dream.
Never trust anyone.
You can't please everyone.
It sucks.
I feel like giving up.
Full of broken promises.
Always thinking.
What's the purpose of life?
Define Love.
Too complicated?
Crack the code.

2009-09-26T12:07:00.000-07:00

This year was disappointing. Like Ayu said, the spirit wasn't there. Oh well, gotta wait for next year.

Haha. I really don't know what to say. Seriously. I hope you get laid so hard your vagina tears up so big even my head can fit in it. Oops! Selemat hari raya, maaf zahir dan batin! =D

Fuck it.

2009-09-25T06:21:00.000-07:00

Attractive personality.
Sexy.
Affectionate.
Shy and reserved.
Secretive.
Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic.
Loves peace and serenity.
Sensitive to others.
Loves to serve others.
Easily angered.
Trustworthy.
Appreciative and returns kindness.
Observant and assesses others.
Revengeful.
Loves to dream and fantasize.
Loves traveling.
Loves attention.
Hasty decisions in choosing partners.
Loves home decors.
Musically talented.
Loves special things.
Moody.

Tell me which one doesn't suit me? None right? Of course la. Okay I'm sleepy. What song should I sing? KepadaNya? Seribu Kenangan? Which?

2009-09-23T04:08:00.000-07:00

Aiman will grow up and be like me, seriously.

I had a chincilla right? It was given to us by my aunt. We brought it home. Aiman kinda played with it that night. The next day, My dad brought it away, for cash. He told Aiman the chincilla had to take its medicine, if not it'll die. Once my dad left with the chincilla, Aiman took my mum's phone and cried to Michael Jackson's Earth Song. I woke up, asked him what happened.

Me : Asl Aiman?
Aiman : Ayah bawak chincilla tu gi makan ubat. Kalau tak die mati. *cries*
Me : Hahahahahahahaha.

Sensitive at such a young age. He's gonna be like me la really. Chey. I know from who we got it from. ;)

AND AND AND AND, I PASSED ALL MY MODULES! I DON'T HAVE TO REPEAT ANY. I can't believe it. I mean, I didn't attend math lectures. I failed terribly for Math common test. I practiced hard for Math exams only. And I passed overall for Math! So people, you don't have to attend lectures okay? You can still pass! If you're the type that wants a 3.8 and above gpa, then forget this paragraph okay.

I kinda pity my tagboard. It's like, so lonely. =( Bitch!

2009-09-21T10:26:00.000-07:00

I swear, today was just too much. So many things happened. So many many info got into my head. A LOT happened. Today was just, wow.

Hehe, I swear I've tried.

pretty little thing.

2009-09-19T07:20:00.000-07:00

I swear, I don't have any problems with you.
Cause for me, the past is the past.
Now is now, we look to the future, we move forward.
Whatever fun times we had in the past, we keep them as memories, we cherish them.
Whatever mistakes or bad times or whatever shit, we forgive and forget.
If you still wanna carry on ignoring me, not talking to me, acting like I'm some fucking stranger whom you've never, ever met and never wanna meet, it's fine with me.
Cause seriously this is fucking childish.
Just what the fuck is your problem?
No problems?
Then talk damn it.
But really, I'm totally fine you know.
You go on and enjoy your moment, enjoy your time while it's still there you know.
Cause, there is no such thing as forever.
And you know damn well it's gonna end sooner or later.
One hundred and fifty thousand percent sure.
Don't fucking assume who that paragraph's for.

On a lighter note,
Ramadan is over. Syawal is here. Yes it's sad that the holy month is gone, but it's okay. Let's enjoy Syawal shall we?

Azizi ingin mengucapkan Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri kepada semua umat Islam di Singapura. Saya ingin meminta maaf dengan seikhlas hati jika ada terkasar bahasa, silap kata, perbuatan yang menyinggung perasaan, atau apa-apa sahaja la. Sekali lagi, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, maaf zahir dan batin, Minal Aidil Wal Fa'izin. ((:

2009-09-18T09:50:00.000-07:00

*Sms*
Me : Kau gi tak niari terawih? 8 je?
Sab : Ya aku gi. Full ah. Last day seh.

After 20 rakaat of terawih.

*Call*
Me : Kau kat mane?
Sab : Aku kat belakang sekali. dekat ngn class situ.

Me : Asl kau kat belakang?
Sab : Aku tak boleh tahan la. So lepas berape rakaat gitu aku duduk belakang ngn adik aku.
Me : Musibot! Kata last day last day abih die yang tak habis. Pale pistol betul.
Sab : Wakakakaka.

1 word every muslim is vocalising (is there such a word?) = Raya.

2 songs that made love with me = Seribu Kenangan & Mercy

2009-09-17T11:18:00.000-07:00

Just thinking about it can make me cry, I swear. Tears of joy I mean.

2009-09-16T08:53:00.000-07:00

Met him just now. He said, "kalau tak suke sudah la, jangan sibuk-sibuk. Ape masalah kau?"
I was like "What the fuck?"
Then he left. =.=

She doesn't know. Haha. Fake. Sweet.

2009-09-15T08:23:00.000-07:00

I can swear to any God that ever existed that I didn't wanna come for SoundCard practice today. I'm so glad I did. Now I strongly believe that, if you never give up, then you can achieve whatever you want. Because my duet with Hanisah, we practiced so last minute before the performance. And I think we did pretty okay. So yeah. I've got to give my respect to Maya, seriously. The voice power la sia.

Anyway, after SoundCard, iftar-ed with those muslim students. I went home first, to, settle some stuffs. Then I met them and I swear I had fun. Thanks guys.

I hate lying. I hate arguing.

Then then, yeah, overall it was a good day ah.

I've never, ever hated anyone this much before.

2009-09-14T10:20:00.001-07:00

I teared when I watched The Moment of Truth. Weird.

And, I like to eat rice with mixed peanuts with egg with mayonnaise all mixed together. Yummmy.

Do you smell that? *Sniff* Oh, it's Raya on the way.

2009-09-13T11:57:00.000-07:00

Tell me why you're so hard to forget don't remind me
I'm not over it tell me why
i can't seem to face the truth
I'm just a little too not over you

He ruined the song.

2009-09-12T10:11:00.000-07:00

Damn you sure suck.

2009-09-11T08:02:00.000-07:00

I think my body system is back to how it's supposed to be. It's not even 12am and I'm like, yawning every 10 seconds.

Waiting for someone's call, which seems to take forever.

2009-09-10T09:45:00.001-07:00

Oooooooh. There you go.

And I still can't believe it happened.

2009-09-08T11:53:00.000-07:00

BEWARE. THIS POST WILL FREAK SOME OF YOU OUT. ( Okay not really. )

This was during SoundCard outing at Marina Barrage. Had fun, really.

I tried something new, Rugby. We didn't really play. We just threw the ball here and there.

And then we had this photoshoot. The experience was just awesome la okay.

Yeah, laugh all you want. Human beings dream. They dare to dream. Apparently it just so happened that I'm one of them. So yeah. You may say I may not come close to looking like Taylor Lautner. ( the guy in the picture ) At least I think I do, that's what matters. Perasan. I know. It may seem as a joke, which I think it is. Whatever. I'm just trying to make this blog more interesting la. Hahaha.

I heard stories. A story of when my friend, primary school friend, told me a girl BJ-ed him before. I was like "What?! Sweet Jesus! You freaking serious?!" Cause he doesn't look like that type you see. His physical appearance doesn't really attract girls. No offense bro. The fact that the girl being a chinese made me go "then then then then?" Then he said that when the tongue touches the tip, it tickles. After that, "wah shiok!" And he added that, the girl wanted Anal, but then our religion forbids us to do so. So he rejected. And now I'm wondering how it feels like to be BJ-ed. I don't know if I believe him though. But it's interesting isn't it?

Why do people wanna Anal anyway? Doesn't it hurt? Isn't it gross? I mean, your poop comes out through your Anus. Even if it's washed and clean, you never know if it's throughly cleaned! It's still dirty right? What if, while you're anal-ing, the girl suddenly let out some poop. That's freaking gross isn't it?! Full penetration you say? So what? It's still gross to me!

Yes, I'm still a virgin.

2009-09-07T18:48:00.000-07:00

I. CAN'T. GET. TO. SLEEP. !

I. READ. EVERY. PRAYER. POSSIBLE.

STILL. CAN'T. GET. TO. SLEEP.

HOW. AM. I. SUPPOSED. TO. MEET. MY. PRIMARY. SCHOOLMATES. LATER. ?

AM. I. EVEN. MEETING. THEM. ?

BLOGGER. STILL. DOESN'T. ALLOW. ME. TO. UPLOAD. PICTURES.

Getting more interesting eh? It's just so exciting. I mean, yes, it's true that it's none of my business. It's true that it doesn't concern me. But it's just fun, especially when you know how it's gonna end. ((:

2009-09-06T14:34:00.000-07:00

Combined Efforts X Factor.

Search that on Youtube. Their singing, I wouldn't say sucks. But it's just not that good. But but, just watch. Damn sweet la.

I can't believe all that happened you know. I mean, haha. What was I thinking? But it was fun while it lasted though. Did I even use that right? Whatever. Point is, hahaha! I still cannot, cannot believe it happened.

I even read all the messages you sent before I deleted everything away. I smiled like some fucktard. But everything's gone now. You played the game well girl. Rela akhirnya ku terluka, dari ku hidup tanpa kenal cintamu. We're friends still, right?

It's 6.15am now. Am I gonna sleep? I don't know. Iftar with primary schoolmates. Oooh can't wait.

And I think some people just had fun, if you know what I mean. Just hope not everything's gone and lost, if you know what I mean.

And, I'm not looking forward to SoundCard, at all. Sorry Shikin but yes you know why.

Erm what else? Nothing. Oh oh! I'm in love with mayonnaise. Oooooh cheeky!

Alright Imma sleep now.

2009-09-05T11:57:00.000-07:00

I shouldn't care. You shouldn't care either. Fuck it.
Don't ever let me see your face again.

2009-09-03T12:05:00.000-07:00

Puke - Eminem

I don't know how many times I've said this but yes, go listen to that song. You, you, YES YOU! It's from me to you. If you want me to sing/rap that song for you, I'd be more than happy to do so, really. Cause you really do make me sick to my stomach.

I'm so not looking forward to certain things. You know I know. We know why. Some people ah, they just, urgh, I can't really find the words. But point is, they suck. Period. Jangan terase eh sape-sape. I'm just saying je. (:

I don't see the use of saving this blog. I can't seem to find anything to update about. No one reads this anyway. No wait, I do know who reads this and who doesn't.

Ah screw it what am I saying. Shouldn't have updated.

2009-09-02T16:12:00.000-07:00

It's 7.12am in the morning. I'm still awake. I realise that I turn into an owl every holiday. I sleep at 6am, and wake up at 6pm. When I wake up right, It's like, "Sweet, I'm so ready for the day!" Only to realise, seconds later, that it's already dark. And people are getting ready to sleep. And it's the fasting month now. I guess history's repeating itself. Last year, I did what I'm doing now, nocturnal. Only difference is, I do my prayers this year, and not skip them. Hahaha. Thanks to Ustazah Razinah.

Broke fast with some people the other day. We crapped a lot, till we reached the topic of Religion. This topic never, ever gets old. It's just so interesting lah. I swear I don't mind talking to them about this the whole day.

Oh, I watched Singapore Idol. Not surprised with 6 of the top 12 so far. It was pretty obvious who's gonna make it. And Tabitha is so, so, so hot. Naz, you can take Charlene. I'd prefer Tabitha. At least she's younger, and hotter. Hahaha!

Some people just never change.

One picked the wrong girl, and the other just doesn't deserve any guys at all.

Sorry for the constant boring updates. But I just cannot upload pictures.

2009-08-30T06:58:00.000-07:00

It's really sad you know. You know it's the fasting month. And people are not fasting at all.
Walked somewhere near Penin with those 3 and saw this malay guy happily eating Old Chang Kee.
Bought stuffs at Shop n Save. While walking, saw this malay guy with his wife and kids, smoking like no one's business.
Walked home from Shop n Save, saw this malay guy drinking 1.5l bottle of Pepsi after fixing his bicycle.

It's okay if you're those with vaginas. Because we understand. But you're a guy! It's okay if you're still a kid, because, again, we understand. But you're freaking 20+! Urgh.

2 more days and hello freedom.

Stop it sia your attitude.

Let the hatred grow
Watch you go
Burn in hell
Now go Bitch go!

2009-08-29T04:06:00.000-07:00

It's killing me.
Family's not helping at all.
There's fucking noise everywhere.

I can tell

2009-08-26T11:15:00.000-07:00

Finally, a day where everyone in the family can eat together. Mum's not working, so yeah. 5 people sitting in a circle, breaking fast together. The youngest of all, aged 5, wanting to eat this and that, like as if he's the one fasting. He started with his jokes, and everyone laughed in unison. The oldest of the 3 siblings, 18, joked with his sister, 12, about who gets to wash the plates. Both laughed. You could just sense the happiness around the room. Nothing beats that feeling. The love from a family. Yeah, nothing beats that.

When you least expect it.

I've been watching you

2009-08-25T13:45:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know the blogskin clearly looks like it's meant for girls. But I was too lazy to find a good one. Who cares right? There's nothing to blog about actually. Just yeah, change of skin and song! I took 30 minutes to record that song. 4am in the morning. Yes I sang at 4am. Nope, no cops no nothing. So yeah, comments would be greatly appreciated.

And and and, should I link people? And let them link me? Maybe I should. Ok I will. Ok tomorrow then.

Oh man life is so great. Never felt better. And I'm being honest. I don't know why either. But HELL YEAH it feels good!

One last thing. Lesbians are the hottest. No I didn't watch porn yesterday. But yeah. RANDOM!

Ok I'mma sahur. It's like, 5am right now. Ok later guys!

AND TAG! TAG BEFORE YOU LEAVE! READ, TAG, LEAVE. IT'S SIMPLE. Try. (:

OK OK ciao.

Differences

2009-08-24T02:28:00.000-07:00

SEP was okay. At least I could answer most of the questions. Went to school for 2 hours and back home. How sad is that?

Complain again. Got scolded for scolding my sister. I have my own reason okay. She took out her Math book, placed it on her lap, turned to this page, and turned on the tv. She carried on watching like no one's business while the Math book waited for her. So I scolded her. Not like I used this evilish, demonic tone on her right? I scolded her "nicely" and sarcastically. And boom boom pow! I got scolded. Sweet eh?

Why, why, why did i even fall for you in the first place? I keep asking myself. Why did I want you so bad? Why did I even plan to wait for you despite knowing things wont't work out? Why did I still insist in telling you that things will be fine, that I won't go anywhere, yadda yadda? One word. Faith. But whatever you know, everything's gone, done and over with.

Too busy? Things going too slow? Scared to commit in a relationship? So what? It's not like I want a relationship now right? I just want to get to know you better, deeper. I need that anyway. Too busy? Hello, I won't go anywhere. Things going too slow? Might break up in the end? What happened to Faith? The fact that you said all that shows that the feeling is gone, right? If not, so what if things are going too slow? Too busy? Sorry but, those are just excuses. I still don't understand you know. But it's okay. Nothing matters now. Thanks for... for.. I don't know. Thanks for whatever that has happened la eh.

That's it. No more girls for me. So what if I'm gonna have my first when I'm 20+? No wrong at all. Sick and tired of this.

Heartbreaker

2009-08-22T03:22:00.000-07:00

what a way to start off the fasting month. i got fucking scolded by my mum for doing absolutely nothing. the internet is ever so fucking fucked up. i'm taking fucking 5 hours to install a simple application. i don't understand a fucking single thing about Software Engineering. i badly want YOU to get out of my fucking mind. and we're fucking having prata for our first break fast.

life is oh so great.

Maybe not today

2009-08-21T10:09:00.000-07:00

Ramadhan has arrived.
Oh, performance for MIT alumnis just now sucked.
Last minute change of songs.
We can't sing malay songs. -.-
Then had our only practice a few hours before the actual performance.
Then the freaking hot emcee, asked me to sing a chinese song cause she knows I can.
So I sang the chorus of Zhuan Shu Tian Shi.
When it was time to eat right, the buffet thingy, one malay girl approached me and said the chinese song I sang was her favourite.
Awww!
Sweet right right right!
Anyway, ya that's it.

I still don't understand ah but whatever tau. (:
I'm not going anywhere anyway.

So I'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you, come back to me

If you still don't like that feeling, tell me straight.
I'll leave you alone, forever. ((:

Selamat Berpuasa everyone!

Getting closer

2009-08-20T09:29:00.000-07:00

my arms are seriously aching. thanks to the gym.

performance tomorrow. i'm so not looking forward to it. why? cause i wanna go to the mosque? it's better to solat tarawih than sing right? but i can't last minute back out. argh.

ok nothing more to update.

OH OH OH OH OH OH! FASTING MONTH. WATCH YOUR ACTIONS! *EVIL SMILE* you know i know. ;)

i really, really hope you're doing fine.

Hot as hell

2009-08-18T10:21:00.000-07:00

thought today was gonna be a fucked up one. asked this and that, and everyone was busy. everyone had their own plans. lucky there's E1.

watched UP. wah that one must watch la. anyway, after that, went darren's house. his mic and amp is like, the ultimate. i can beatbox the whole day with that shit. then, joethy and darren went swimming. muru, jean and i went to the gym. it was my first ever time to a gym okay. i swear i felt like some noob shit. did this and that and damn, it felt so good. then home. thanks guys for today.

jogging with zahil again tomorrow! and gonna catch Singapore Idol. Urgh.

Most beautiful thing in sight

2009-08-17T13:23:00.000-07:00

Fasting month in a few days!

No this, no that. Zi's gonna turn into an angel. Chey. Actually it's kinda bullshit. Why wait for fasting month to be good? Why not now? What if tomorrow never comes? Hmmm.

Went jogging with Zahil. I perspired so much. It felt so good can? Arms aching, audition's coming, performance coming, exams coming, fasting month, and Raya!

Actually there's nothing to look forward to this Raya. It's the same shit we experience every year. Ok well, not really shit. I mean, it's Raya, it's Syawal. A month to celebrate. It's just that, to celebrate it with someone special, I don't really have the chance to taste that you know. Yes of course I have those special people, they know who they are, to celebrate with me. Just that, ya, those are special people, I want that special someone. I mean, looking at all my friends with their special someone, jealousy do tend to creep in sometimes you know. Not that I really need one but yeah. Just that, urgh okay. I'm starting to be a dick right? Alright I'll stop it.

I don't think I need you and you and you and you. ((:

And and and, it's been some time eh? ;)

If only you know

2009-08-16T12:12:00.000-07:00

girls who slash or cut themselves over guys should cut and kill themselves straight. who in their right mind would do that? you think things are gonna get better after doing that shit? you think the situation with your guy's gonna change after that? of course it's not gonna change.

and oh, girls who wanna commit suicide, over the same thing, guys, shouldn't hesitate and think twice. when standing on the edge of the building, or your window or whatever, they should just jump and die. why do people do this kinda shit? to attract attention? can't you all just talk it out?

damn, it's not like he's the only guy in this world right? nampak sah iman semua tak kuat. and i don't know why i'm blogging like this anyway. maybe cause i heard stories of friends experiencing the same shit mentioned earlier? possible.

on the other hand, girls who already got their guys, shouldn't be too obsessed with him. haha. ;)

Ridiculous

2009-08-14T08:55:00.000-07:00

watch out.
i've seen her type before.

tomorrow's gonna be the best day of my life. we shall see.

Does absence really make the heart grow fonder?

2009-08-13T09:36:00.000-07:00

class bbq. mixed emotions.

yes it was fun. ok not exactly fun. it was just alright. i, don't know.

i don't wanna think about it. but sometimes i just can't help it.

it's a scary world out there.

mutual?

It's here

2009-08-11T11:12:00.000-07:00

presentation of IP was scary. but he was friendly. so everything's fine. after tomorrow, yes Darren, we can PSSSSSST! can't wait for thursday's bbq. i don't know why. maybe cause it's with the class? but i don't know if i'm gonna stay overnight after what happened. it's just because of food. you don't wanna lose face to me cause of food? boy, grow up. what have you learned during comm skills? compromise? chey macam paham. hahaha.

i hope to sing at Cvss this coming teacher's day. i miss that place like really. and and and, for MIT alumnis too!

SAKILA TAGGGED ME! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN GIRL! I HOPE YOU'RE DOING FINE. A LEVELS COMING EH? CHEY. =D

and and and and, i'm beginning to beatbox more and more and more. damn it. what happened to singing? urgh.

menyampah aku tengokkan.

Life is harsh

2009-08-10T12:31:00.000-07:00

so much to blog about. so little time. those thoughts just come and go. i'll go randomly again.

national day was okay. spent time with 4F. esplanade, marina square that area, gosh, so overpopulated with those kind of people. the sight of them, just, urgh, it just sucks.

still a long way to go. a lot more to know.

Love is really blind

2009-08-07T23:53:00.000-07:00

how people change when they get attached. it's really sad.
how i'm losing all my closed ones.
how cruel life is.

You don't know how sick you make me
You make me fucking sick to my stomache
Everytime I think of you I puke
You must just not know
You may not think you do
But you do, everytime I think of you I puke

that's for you. don't assume. i never mention names.

When he cheats

2009-08-05T09:11:00.000-07:00

marketing paper starts at 3.15, ends at 4. reached lecture theatre at 3.30. left at 3.50. then talked a while with fathiah, nadia and anisa.

anisa: lawa niari? nak gi mane?
me: oh niari je la aku lawa? lain hari tak la? oh macam gitu. jumpe sedare la.
anisa: betul sedare? *gives that look*
me: ye la.
nadia: mane ade orang jumpe sedare pompan one on one eh betul tak nisa.
ansa: tu ah tu ah!
fathiah: *gives that look*
me: ah korangnye pasal la. up to you all to believe.

then anisa saw my sweaty palms. she went EEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWW!!! her reaction kinda fucked me up, but i didn't show it obviously. i mean, what's wrong with sweaty palms? just what the fuck is wrong with sweaty palms? if every girl is like her, wow, no holding of hands with my other half, and not to mention the later stages, which is to, erm, you know i know. but really, WTF is wrong with sweaty palms?!

anisa: orang peluh kat badan kau peluh kat tangan. hahaha.
nadia: nanti tangan kau hujan. then kene ade payung.
us 4: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

then off to meet her. chey 'her' seh. ok. met ifah. talked and talked and talked and talked. 18 years of living and this is the first time we ever talked to each other. then off to tampines. tamp1 then tamp mall. saw syuhada and hadah and her bf. i can SWEAR i had that feeling we were gonna see her.

syuhada: gi mane?
me: err, jalan2.
syuhada: ngn sape?
me: ngn sedare.
syuhada: oh....... betul sedare?
me: errr, ya. *gives that guilty look*
syuhada: malam nanti bobal msn.

and i'm still waiting for her to come online. guess she won't. haha. syuhada oh syuhada. just because i didn't contact HER for so many days, means i'll cheat on her? haha. can't believe you're doubting me. yes of course i miss her. yes of course i'm frustrated that we're not contacting each other. she's busy. i am too. doesn't mean i have to go around dating other girls right? i thought you know me well? gosh.

a date with fathiah tomorrow! ok not really date. we're gonna do our project together.

Mind Games

2009-08-04T23:49:00.000-07:00

Dare to take risks.
Bear the consequences.
I'm prepared.
Whatever happens, happens.
Not everyone wants this.
But yeah, this is part and parcel of life.
We go through this every once in a while.
It's my choice anyway.

I can't wait for thursday. I hope I can meet you. There's like, so much to talk about, I think.
And Friday too. And exams to end too. Screw it. What am I talking. Too stress? Duh.

And oh, Happy Birthday to the twins, Syuhada and Syairah. (:

When our eyes meet

2009-08-04T09:11:00.000-07:00

Night class. found out my program has this minor mistake. and i have to redo the whole thing again. sucks right? i know.

then went over to mum's place to accompany her home. witnessing her do all the hardwork, washing of plates, cleaning this and that, all those shitty stuffs, i felt bad. i swear i could have just, break down over there. with how badly i'm doing in school, and her working so hard for the family, i, i don't know. she's just everything to me.

i realised i didn't think of anything at all except projects and tests and more projects this week. i even planned to study math for one whole week during the study break.

meeting someone special tomorrow. *Someone special who could it be? This job's too big for you and me. We need some help, but never fear-o. It looks like a job, for Higglytown hero.* ANYWAY, yeah someone special. ok la not really special la but yeah.

oh oh, it's freaking cool la speaking malay to a chinese muslim. anyway, yeah, i don't know what else to say. it's a freaking stressful week.

Attention

2009-08-03T05:36:00.000-07:00

1 more week of shit and that's it. i seriously don't know what i'm doing in school. this week is so screwed. once it's done, like darren said, PSSSST!

yeap yeap, everyone's getting their other half. i can think of 3 right now. and wow, Sab's one of them! congratulations to Sabril Amin in getting the heart of, erm, i forgot the girl's name. but yes, your single days are over! we'll see a lot of the number 10 eh? Hahahahaha! even Sab got his. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..

accompanied him to get his pay just now.

me: how much you got?
sab: $148. damn it. so little!
me: and how much did you expect?
sab: around $250+? this one $148 only. and they cut off my cpf some more! bloody hell!
me: if they never cut, then how much?
sab: $150
me: -______________________________________-

i feel like complaining again. but then i promised that i can hold on without doing that.

and what do you know? every girl that i see reminds me of you. i'm missing you THAT much? this has to stop.

no no, i'm not complaining.

that little bit of attention.

That big word

2009-08-02T00:34:00.000-07:00

i'm back from sleepover at cousin's house. yesterday, had kenduri. tahlil and all. i swear my body felt so hot as i read all the prayers and stuff. why? i don't know. guilty? hmmm.

then supposed to go home. cause projects waiting. but sister was alone in their house. so i stayed over too. back home to get my laptop and back to yishun again. supposed to do project. but, yeah, with your cousins around you, can you even focus? no. well, at least not for me.

so i'm back now. and i'm so screwed. don't ask why.

and i finally found my cousin's facebook!

and and, i don't know. that's it.

screwed.

Angst

2009-07-31T08:50:00.000-07:00

woke up late. came for WDD. WDD was fun. DSA was funner. had our mock test. we gave up like, so easily. teacher kept saying exit msn. not sign out. but exit. we did. he stood behind us and watched. we acted like we were doing. when he went back to his seat, all signed in msn. that joker, darren, could watch Transformers on his laptop while we were doing the test.

after that, i had nothing to do. i swear. didn't wanna go home. waited for anisa and nadia with hannah. talked to her for a while. then me, anisa, nadia and her bf went to pool. it was fun. they both left later and me and anisa lepak-ed for a while. where? under a block beside a mosque. we were singing and making so much noise. yes i felt bad.

oh oh oh oh! that girl worked today! i wanted to say hi to her but didn't have the balls to do so. i think she smiled at me instead. chey! hahahahaha! ok no la kiddddding only.

i've learnt a lot of lessons.

1. never get too close to anyone until you know the person really well.
2. never trust anyone.
3. never, EVER misuse those 3 words. okay, maybe that one big word. LOVE. only say it when you mean it.

maybe some more but i forgot? i don't know.

be sure of what you want. cause you really need to think. Really.

Kenduri tomorrow!

Eyecandy

2009-07-30T08:01:00.000-07:00

today was such a waste of time. roleplay for comm skills. i dare say i was the best actor there. chey! know why not. other groups, some were laughing. my group was the only serious one. our play didn't really looked like we were acting. it looked so real. especially the part where me and darren fought. aisey. but then, when i presented my point, i swear i didn't know what i was talking about. i still can say 'what am i talking about?' out loud. and oh, i LOVE E7. it's sad we have to change class again next sem.

after that was marketing. really a waste of time. then, WPDP and WDD lecture. again, waste of time. i was disturbing razinah the whole time la please. then, got the message that SoundCard is cancelled. damn pissed can? i brought nothing to school, wore SoundCard shirt, then no SoundCard. Thanks eh.

After lecture, lucky there's shah, sab, anisa, nadia and zahil. no SoundCard, so we went amk for pool. sab had to go off to celebrate his dad's birthday -.- zahil had to go dinner with his family. so left us 4. they were trying so hard to beat me. but no they couldn't. cheydeba! anyway, nadia left earlier. then the remaining 3 lepak-ed. these 2 girls, wore black polo and grey jeans. no they didn't plan it. then they did stuffs. lame stuffs. urgh. i recorded it. i'll upload it at facebook maybe. yeap then i went home.

waited so long for the connection to be okay.

oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh!! i got a new eyecandy! she works at macs in school. i don't mind going macs everyday just to see her. hahahahahaha! sadly i don't know she what race. -.-

and and, i'm just so glad shit happened okay. it's hatred now. Hah!

let me remind you all again that life is only temporary.

ooh ooh ooh one last thing, imy. ((:

Life's only temporary

2009-07-29T06:29:00.000-07:00

alright. time to stop all this emo shit. it's time to bring the old Zi back.

lunchtime performance today. okay. yes. we danced. had fun, duh. it's SoundCard. but fuck. i was so kaku can? but who cares. first dance performance anyway. chey. and i know i can't dance for nuts la. after that, maria, shikin and jasper performed. shikin's FAME was superb la. people were swaying to her performance. i couldn't. my eyes were like, stuck on her la. best performance of her so far in my opinion. i don't know. i felt it anyway.

after that, chilled in the room. was supposed to go to some SHS thingy. but forgot about it. sang sang sang in the room with that addictive mic and amp. then macs with naz and xinen. seems like i got myself a new good guy friend eh? cheydeba. usually girls ah. now guy you know! ok stop it.

then went home. and i feel so sick now. sore throat, fever. lucky no upcoming performances. usually sick in the head, now body sick. oh ya. sometimes i wonder if, one day, *touch wood* i admitted to the hospital right, then, will there be people visiting me? if got right, who? good question right? of course.

okay it's heating up. i better go rest. and oh, TAG YOU MOFOS!!!!

Failure

2009-07-28T09:15:00.000-07:00

nothing is going right at the moment. like, really, nothing is.
everything's so fucked up.
expect more fucked up faces from me everyday.
hate me all you want.

i give up.
no use going for them when either you're not appreciated or you get nothing in return.
two times is enough.
that's it.
it's always like that.
you try so hard, but what do you get in the end?
nothing at all.
i expected it anyway.

let's try looking on the bright side shall we?
hmmm let me see.
i don't have to always think of one.
and,
i don't know.
that's it?
hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

i look scary when i'm showing those fucked up faces eh?
hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
what to do.

Gosh, i swear i need Ramadhan.

oh, and to you.
i don't think you know who you are.
please eh, kau punye perangai eh,
SUMPAH tak perlu tau.

2009-07-27T10:01:00.001-07:00

Question Marks.

Once bitten, twice shy

2009-07-27T07:24:00.000-07:00

school life is just so screwed. didn't know a singe shit about the lab test just now. math test was screwed too. in short, school is screwed.

after school, dance practice for wednesday. then, ate at amk. ok they ate. not me. honestly? waste of time. me and nazirul were like, some extra fucktards coming in their way. sorry but that's how i felt.

seems like i'm losing everyone. fuck it. life is screwed too. ok la not really screwed but yeah. ups and downs of life. and i keep facing the downs. things can only get better yeah? i hope.

oh, last message to you. i just wanna thank you for everything. i still don't get certain things though. but that doesn't matter anymore does it? some of your reasons, i don't know, just don't make sense? but yeah. decision's final right? i respect that. i don't know what else to say already. torned.

Come Together

2009-07-26T10:37:00.000-07:00

Amk library with Anisa and Darren to do Internet Programming again. didn't complete. went home to sorta finish it.

i've got soooo much to say. but it's like, 2am now. i'll probably blog about it tomorrow? i don't know.

and and and, aisey bedah! cepat la sey!

and and and, dance tomorrow!

and and, i don't know.

oh ya. skyp-ing with this hot girl called Rachel. well, self proclaimed hot. actually she's just okay only. not really hot la. people say she's hot. but for me she's just OKAY. my scandal for a while. not anymore. actually, she's everyone's scandal. ask around. ooooh! scandalous! okay we 2 are just too bored. she with her report and me with my Internet Programming project.

i guess that's all for now.

emo? no. nothing to emo about. ((:

Crazy

2009-07-25T08:42:00.000-07:00

berserk.
sucks.
goodbye.
the end.

All over again

2009-07-25T02:54:00.000-07:00

currently in woodlands library with anisa. doing Internet Programming. she looked like she can erupt anytime. same goes for me. but it's okay. there's still tomorrow. hopefully darren will help us finish by monday.

and and and, looks like were back to square one, if you know what i mean. haha. ;)

Changes

2009-07-24T08:48:00.000-07:00

let's talk about today.

came to school late, as always, for lab. did the lab. then some parts with the help of hannah. thanks a lot ya.

then dsa. presentation sucked like i don't know what. we were supposed to explain line by line, the codings of our application and program. i was practically mumbling la. i didn't know what i was talking about also. i still had the cheek to say 'ok i would now like to pass the time over to Christine, my next speaker, who will continue to elaborate on the next set of lines.' hahaha!

after that was dinner at toa payoh. with darren, jane and jin hon. actually hannah was supposed to join. but she met her parents instead. jane damn attitude la. people talk nicely to her, she roll eyes la, act cute la, ignore us la, blabla. just because me and darren took a couple of her Impact sweets, wanna give attitude la? haha. but it was fun la eating with those 3.

then home. was so bored. and fuck i didn't have the mood. i should be happy. i mean, i don't know. are things back to normal? if yes, i should be really happy. but no. i didn't have the mood at all. why? i don't know. i really shouldn't give a fuck about other people. i should only care for one. but why?

anyway, yeah, got home, so bored that i skyped with clara. we crapped for a while. thanks for sorta killing my boredom okay. haha.

then ya, i'm now stoning. oh ya! i feel like keeping my hair like, long and thick. i don't care if it looks like a bird's nest or madagascar lion or whatever. so if i emo anytime in school, the hair so called 'fit' la right. ya i think i'll keep it long. cute also mah. cause if short hair right, people keep saying handsome la, hot la. i wanna get something new. so yeah, cute cute cute! =D

oh yes! this coming wednesday, SoundCard will be performing! the whole of us will be dancing at the atrium! imagine me dancing! hahaha! but yeah, we'll be dancing to 2 national day songs. whoever that's free, do come down okay!

i've been thinking a lot, like, a lot. i realised how really stupid i was. a promise to not repeat the same mistake ever again. decision is final. heart is only open to one. sorry girls. yes this may sound corny or whatever but yeah, this is an extremely strong message to, i don't know, generally everyone?

yes, i'm really happy with whatever i have now, like really. but some things just got to stop. you know i know.

i guess the message is pretty much very clear. yeap. oh! i can't wait for holidays. 1 month of intensive workouts. time to get rid of the tummy and shape up the arms. chey chey!

the more i look, the more i think, the more i'm certain that this is what i want.

imy.

Unanswered

2009-07-23T08:53:00.000-07:00

It's seriously a cruel world we're living in now.
But what to do.
Make the best out of it.
Life's only temporary anyway.
I don't know why I'm saying all that.
But yeah, it's sad.

I'm still wondering.

Chance

2009-07-21T20:01:00.000-07:00

things just aren't the same anymore.
we can't even joke now.
i wanna see your smile again.
i wanna be the one to make you smile.
i'm really hoping things can go back to how they were before.
i know it's hard, but please, give me a chance.
i've realised my mistakes and i totally understand now.
i'd do anything to make it up to you.
i mean it.
i really hope you're reading this.
i just want you to let me know that you're okay and that things between us will be fine.
i won't be okay till you are.
think it through thoroughly, slowly.

yes another emo post. you'll keep seeing them till she honestly tells me she's fine.

Say you will forgive me

2009-07-21T09:39:00.000-07:00

Wasted time in school.
Pondered.
Teared.
Still not okay.

Regret

2009-07-20T09:08:00.000-07:00

I've made the biggest mistake in my life.
I'm regretting my worst decisions ever.
Please tell me I can take all my words back.
Cause I really want to.
Please, please tell me it's not too late to apologise.
Please tell me you'll give me another chance.
Cause I really need you.
I'll wait, no matter how long it takes.
I can't really see myself happier with other girls.
Ya Allah, please tell her I'm sorry.
I regret it.
I honestly do.
Please, H.

In two different places

2009-07-18T21:58:00.000-07:00

oh oh oh! know what i dreamt of yesterday? of course you don't! i tell you i tell you i tell you! i was with SoundCarders. we were at dont know where. i think at somewhere something like marina barrage la i think. it was so greenish the place. but it happened at night. we were all lying down or something. then then then, i turned my head to the left and i saw nazirul and bernice looking at each other. then they got closer and closer, till their noses touched. seconds later, BOOM! a peck on the lips. then they started kissing each other. they lie here and there, hug here and there, did this did that. I GOT JEALOUS YOU KNOW!!!! they still can look at me with their smiles while hugging. damn! ok that's all about my dream.

i think i'm in love. in love with sentosa. i feel like going there everyday. i don't mind getting darker. with a bit of work out, and a little bit of shaping up, wah, hot to the max. okay no. and i'm so in love with kris allen. can i just sing his songs for all my performances next time? hahaha.

and i got excited for nothing just now.

talking about love, hmmm. what do i love? i love yellow, the number 17 and, i don't know, you? wait wait, do you even know that? i wonder. don't give me excuses. if you do feel the same way, you would really know what to do. think, ponder, realise. i really hope you do.

your loss, not mine.

the fact remains that you will always be my baby.

Loss

2009-07-18T09:05:00.000-07:00

oh my gay. best, best, best day of my life. like, wow. here goes.

woke up early in the morning. kinda looking forward for sentosa. then met zahil at interchange and we 80-ed to harbourfront. it was a long journey. reached and we met the rest. met anisa and her sister and her friends and all. first look and i was like, "oh fuck, this is not gonna be good". cause ALL of them were smoking. i was like the odd one out. so i just kept quiet. bus-ed to sentosa. the silence while sitting beside ainey in the bus was so awkward la. reached siloso beach and we started to play this and that, this and that. it was bloody fun la okay. we did this and we did that. pictures will be up soon.

then then, erm, bus-ed back to harbourfront right? on the way, this mat rep kept shouting in the bus like some madfuck. everyone kept looking at him and he like not happy like that. i think he was possessed. i don't know. after sentosa, the plan was to play pool. but then they thought it was expensive and everyone was tired. so we decided to play next time la. zahil had to go home. i followed him all the way to ang mo kio. left the others and yeah, kinda sad to go la. i swear i don't mind another day of today. or maybe have today as a daily thing you know? never mind.

reached ang mo kio macs with zahil to meet clare and charis. slacked for a while before heading home. mum called to ask what i want for supper. she bought me food. reached home and i saw coke, root beer, lemon tea and 7-up. 4 1.5l bottles of coloured drinks, or whatever you call it. wow. best day right? okay the outing was really damn damn nice. urgh.

but, I'M DARKER NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! someone said she doesn't like dark guys. which is damn sad. damn damn. how? anyway, yeah, today was awesome, really.

and i think i've decided already. (:

I can't tell you something that ain't real

2009-07-17T10:17:00.000-07:00

i love, love blogger. it's like, i can crap whatever i want here. in LJ, the feeling just ain't the same. ok what happened today!

fucked up day. came late for school. like super late. class starts at 9am, i reached at 12.40pm. started doing the lab. i was late right? so i had no clue whatsoever where to start or how to continue or whatever. my so called "FRIENDS" who finished the lab already, didn't even offered to help you know! treat like i was invisible you know! wah damn pissed. even the teacher asked if i was okay. i said i don't know. she helped. and i was fine after that. see. even guys have moodswings.

after that was DSA. DSA damn relax la sia. teacher also damn cute. then ate macs with hannah. chinese muslim you know!!!! anyway, BandzOut after that. i honestly felt sab's and adib's band should have won. the winner was, urgh, no comments.

then, i don't know. i wanted to blog a lot a lot actually today. but then i forgot what i wanted to blog about. oh yes. sentosa tomorrow. hope it's gonna be fun.

Consequences

2009-07-16T09:58:00.000-07:00

there's like, so much for me to blog about. ok expect this post to be a long one. i'll start with what i did today okay.

12+pm reached school for comm skills. there was this test which i know nothing about. then the teacher talked and talked. after that was marketing. a change in lecturer. i still prefer the old one though. before marketing, accompanied zahil, anisa, nadia, jasmine and junye to smoke. accompany only. not smoke, accompany only. then saw this 2 minahs smoking. they know nadia. one look at them and i went 'urgh'. it's really, really sad that they're invading our population. the way they dress, the way they present themselves. i mean come on. with eyebrows as thin as don't know what. dressing so, so tight. if you wanna flaunt it so much, might as well don't wear anything right. i just hate, hate, hate the sight of them. everytime i look at them, i'd think all girls are like that. and i'd be so, so afraid to find love. damn.

marketing was a waste of time. ok not really. the lecturer was kinda good. after that was WPDP and WDD lecture. again, waste of time. and this 2 hours, i don't really look forward to it. cause i'd sit alone. lucky for me today, there's fathiah. talk and talk and talk to her. she gave me advice and stuffs. i just LOVE girls 2 years older than me. can treat like my own kakak like that eh? right anisa? haha. anisa and fathiah, awww. haha. she left and i went over to sit beside razinah.

this tudung girl, this ustazah, kept punching and pinching me for no reason. we talked, about, let me see, yeah girls. she adviced me too i guess? haha. thanks for layan-ing me tau. though you looked like you were forced to talk to me. haha. then there was zahil. i don't know la. he's like the only malay guy im close to in NYP. not to mention sab of course. but he has his own world and friends and whatever. zahil was there too just now. but yeah, too bad he left SoundCard. bloody hell, last time say stop smoking ready, now start again. want smoke red some more. damn you. but really, thanks for being there.

school ended and i went for SoundCard. practiced the ndp performance. starting sucked. as in, i kept thinking and thinking and was so, so, so, so, so, so, so emo that no one except cassandra approached and asked if i was okay. after praying maghrib, i suddenly felt okay and i danced like no one's business. well, not that i perfected the dance but yes i knew i had fun. dinner at macs in school. then off home.

in the bus on the way home, i kept pondering. like really, do i spend my whole life waiting? i mean, i don't know. it's just so frustrating. even someone asked me. why do you want a girlfriend? that left me speechless. because i've never had one? that's a lame excuse. because i want one? because i want that girl so bad? i don't know. maybe i just want that special someone? do we have to be in a relationship? what's the difference? i don't know. maybe i'm just really fated not to have anyone in my life at all. haha.

' sure or not you no ex? no girlfriend? you so hot and handsome, where got no ex one! ' - that's what i call bullshit. hot and handsome MUST be attached? right. and for all of you the information, whoever that calls me hot, i accept that, like really. but i have to disagree. i myself think i'm not hot. i'm just saying.

no i'm not giving up. i'll still wait. i wanna see how long i can wait. what would i do if this one doesn't work out? i don't know. be a flirt? oh ya that brings me to something else. i wanna be known as the quiet, shy, nice guy who is friendly to everyone. not as a flirt. i'm not a flirt. okay maybe to some i may be, but i know i'm not. i'm just trying to be nice to everyone. doesn't mean i'm a flirt. i don't know if i really have been labelled as one, but whatever.

i've been thinking too much. so much so that i don't eat in school. instead, i go home late at night, eat at 12 1+ am, sleep. every single day. eat sleep eat sleep. no wonder the tummy is getting bigger. no work outs no nothing. i want the old Zi back. i want the Zi who doesn't eat at night everyday, jogs everyday, skips one hour everyday before working out everyday. the Zi who plays sports. the Zi who sings non-stop. the Zi that everyone loves. just where is he?

sigh, i can blog the whole day. can i be a flirt? like seriously. sigh. ok no i won't. maybe? i wanna know every single girl and see which one i can get. okay you know i won't do that. but really, sometimes i just feel like doing that. but then again, i believe in karma. do i? maybe. i don't know. but if i stay faithful to one right, i don't know how long i can stand. do i deserve better? i wonder.

after all that long piece of crap, i still decide i will wait. but like you said, if nothing happens, i'd be hurt of course. but what can i do right. slow, go with the flow.

but whatever it is, you know i'll be there, anytime. it's up to you to actually realise that one day. (:

alright imma stop here. just don't kill me for this people. i just felt like letting them all out. at least i feel SLIGHTLY better now. till then.

Positive

2009-07-14T04:34:00.000-07:00

What a day. Took 72 to school and the driver took his blooody time to drive. he was so, so slow. Even i can run faster. Yes that's how slow he was. Stepped on this auntie's foot by accident. She gave me this look, this Wtf look. I apologised but it didn't work. Whatever. Missed SoundCard's lunchtime performance. I came to school just for that, yet I missed them all. What a day.

It's either Hyper and Lame, or Emo. Sadly it's the Emo season now. Damn damn damn it.

Ok, maybe I'd continue blogging tonight.

And I'm missing you already.

Emo so what? Don't like it? Scram off. ((:

Flow

2009-07-14T01:32:00.001-07:00

51 things Girls should know about Guys

1. Guys hate sluts.
2. “Hey, are you busy?” or “Are you doing something?” ~ two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone.
3. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.
4. Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they’re gonna say so there aren’t awkward pauses, but once he’s on the phone he forgets it all and makes it up as he goes.
5. Guys go crazy over a girl’s smile.
6. Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him.
7. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. Unless they are going for the “let her complain to you and then have her realize how wonderful and nice you are” method.
8. A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.
9. Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they’re still loved.
10. Don’t talk about your guy friends to your boyfriend.
11. Guys get jealous easily.
12. Guys are more emotional than they’d like people to think.
13. Giving a guy a hanging message like “You know what?!..uh…never mind..” would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he’ll assume he did something wrong and he’ll obsess about it trying to figure it out.
14. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.
15. Guys hate asking parents for money to buy girls presents. So they come up with ideas like saving their lunch money for a week. But it never works because guys are always hungry so they end up asking the parents for money anyway.16. Girls are guys’ weaknesses.
17. Guys are very open about themselves.
18. It’s good to test a guy first before you trust him. But don’t let him wait too long.
19. Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.
20. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don’t need to give advice.
21. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.
22. Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships.
23. Guys will brag about anything.
24. Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. We rarely use beautiful. If a guy uses that, he likes you.
25. Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn’t notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.
26. Guys seek for advice from girls not other guys. Because most guys think alike, so if one guy’s confused, then we’re all confused.
27. Any guy could write out a rulebook or advice book for flirting, but no guy can write out a book about relationships.
28. Try to be as straightforward as possible.
29. A guy has to experience rejection, because if he’s too-good-never-been-busted, never been in love and hurt, he won’t be mature and grown up.
30. If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.
31. No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key.
32. Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience.
33. Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped.
34. If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he’s probably faking it and is spazzing inside.
35. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.
36. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he’s just actually saying, “Please come and listen to me.”
37. Guys don’t really have final decisions.
38. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn’t happen that often, so when it does, you know somethings up.
39. If your best guy friend seems to avoid you or is never around when you’re with your boyfriend, he’s probably jealous and likes you.
40. When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he’s definitely thinking something.
41. Guys like femininity not feebleness.
42. Guys don’t like girls who punch harder than they do.
43. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.
44. Don’t be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.
45. Everything in moderation. Put on makeup, wear perfume. Just not too much.
46. Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys.
47. Guys hate rejection, but they hate being led on even more.
48. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.
49. A guy would give his left nut to be able to read a girl’s mind for a day.
50. No guy can handle all his problems by his own. He’s just too stubborn to admit it
51. Not all guys are assholes. Just because ONE is a jackass doesn’t mean he represents ALL of them.

Yes i know they're old stuffs but it doesn't hurt to read them again right? Hmm. Let me see.

Today in school? Wasted my time. Then slacked in clubroom. Then home.

I just don't know what's happening in my life right now. Like honestly.

What did i do wrong? Tell me. Tell me!!

Do i even deserve this?

whatever happens, happens for a reason

Experience

2009-07-13T03:51:00.000-07:00

I'm back to blogger! Apparently something happened. So yes, I'm back. Missed blogger so, so much. Okay. I don't know what's gonna happen to my Livejournal but yeah.

Currently in school, in the clubroom. Syuhada, Shikin, Maria and Bernice dancing to Mamma Mia.

Ok I don't really know what to blog about. Just, yeah, I don't know.